Transparency

Hi. Remember me?? Yes, I realize that I haven’t written in a while, a very long while to be exact… and for this, I apologize.

I’m not sure that anyone even reads these things, but I do like to have a place where I can vent my thoughts. I keep a private journal, just Me and God, but it has just been that, until recently, I have had an extremely hard time actually sharing any of those thoughts with others.

You see, when things go downhill, I’m a bottler. I keep everything inside. My emotions, my thoughts, my EVERYTHING.

Because when I store it up, I can spend just a few hours pretending that it’s not happening.

Because when I keep it to myself, I’m not vulnerable to being hurt or betrayed.

Because I have had this completely skewed perception that being a “good Christian” meant putting on a happy front and keeping everyone at an arms distance.

Because I felt that sharing my burdens with others was just a hindrance to them.

Because I have bought into the lies for far too long.

But tonight, I have something to say.

THIS year has been the absolute worst year of my life. For so many reasons that I can’t even begin to explain. Many of you already think that I’m being dramatic… and perhaps I AM blowing things a little out of proportion, because I realize that a lot of people have it a whole lot worse than myself. But if you knew all of the gritty details, I promise you would agree that this year has been pretty stinking tough.

However, if I were to tell this to the average Joe that I come in contact with on a day-to-day basis, they would just laugh at me, because I have become a positively incredible actress. Like, I should get a Grammy for the part I’ve been playing. Most people are like “Oh, Molly Bowman? That girl has it perfect.” Honestly, most of my very closest friends don’t even know the entirety of it all…

I’m not going to go into all of the tedious details right now, because that is a lot of healing for one night, but I will share a few of them with you over the next few weeks. A month ago, I would have thought I was crazy for sharing such things with people, anybody. But recently God has taught be a very important lesson.

You see, I have learned that there is one extremely crucial part of being influential for Christ:

Transparency.

Without it, you are useless. It is an essential ingredient for your life in order for God to use you to the greatest extent in which He is able. Without transparency, you are just another fake, another phony, another actor playing the part.

Please don’t misunderstand me… I’m not saying that the JOY I have had in Christ has not been genuine, because if anything has been stable in my life over the course of the past year, it’s my Heavenly Father. Those sweet moments spent with Him have never been sweeter. And I have learned to trust in Him despite ALL circumstances (which may, in itself, be worth all of this craziness I have gone through). It’s just that we aren’t called to put on a face of false perfection.

I love that place in 2 Corinthians where it talks about how His power is made perfect in our weaknesses, that He is made apparent in our shortcomings. That is why we MUST be transparent… For HIS glory. He has not called us to be perfect, He has called us to be redeemed!

And all of the lessons we have learned through situations in life and all of the times that God alone has pulled us through, those times are meant to be shared. He can be glorified through our hurts, and if we allow Him, He can make even the darkest times of our lives into something absolutely beautiful.